The Samhain ritual last night was wonderful. I have only been to one other ritual, for Ostara, and the difference between the two was night and day. The Ostara ritual was officiated by a woman who, it seemed to me, had read some books but didn't really "get it", so it was forced and fakey, and everything a ritual is not supposed to be. Plus she wanted everybody to give $5, and she gave out cheap egg-shaped candles and egg chocolate candies. For $5, I can pass, thanks.

SO, that being my only previous group ritual experience, this one just blew it out of the water. It was exactly what I imagined a ritual ought to be, and it was awesome. We were out in the desert, beyond the last housing development on a dead-end street. Vegas is a trip, in that the houses run right up into the desert, then stop, and beyond is just wide open wild space. The paved street just... ended. LOL We walked back up to a previously-scouted area, and it was really perfect. We were at the base of a huge hill/mountain, and the city lights spread out like stars below us. We were in our own little world.

Ember officiated, and she was wonderful. She was such a calming presence that I immediately felt comfortable and at ease. It all felt very natural, not strange or awkward at all. It was a big night for me, in a couple of different ways. One is that I entered the circle under the name of Nelys. Ember asked me what name I would be known as, and it just came out. It just felt right, so I have found my name!

The other big part of the night was honoring and saying goodbye to David. I have been blessed enough not to have anybody very close to me die, and his death was just so unexpected, and so sad. We worked together for several years, and he was just the nicest guy. He was polite, respectful, kind, considerate, thoughtful, and he was a *wonderful* father. His cubicle was plastered with pictures of and from his 2-year-old son, Jonathan. When he would talk about his family, his eyes would light up. His wife stayed home with Jonathan, and she would call him a few times a day. Cubicles are not very private, and he had a strong speaking voice, and I would always hear him speak kindly to her, and say "I love you", every single time they hung up. I even teased him about it once, and he just shrugged, and said "When you're together as long as we have been, and have children, you just don't care who hears you anymore". He practiced attachment parenting, like Dave and I, and he was really a great resource for me in that respect as well. His wife gave birth to their second child a few weeks early, and David took two weeks off work to help her and take care of Jonathan. They went to the zoo a few times, to the children's museum, to the park. They had a special outing pretty much every day. He came back to work when the baby (another boy) was two weeks old, and he left early that first Monday because Jonathan was so upset when he had left that morning to go to work. Thursday morning, he fell off his chair. He was conscious for a while, until the paramedics came. He died at the hospital. They don't really know what happened. He was 31 years old.

The next day, Friday, was my last day at work. It was tough, to say the least. We left for Las Vegas the following Monday morning, and his funeral was that Tuesday, so I never really got to say goodbye to him. I've thought of him several times since (this all happened in June of 2003), and always with a profound sense of grief, for his wife and little boys mainly, but the fact that he didn't get to see his babies grow up just tears at me sometimes when I look at Rhiannon. But last night I got to say farewell, and I really got the sense that now he knows how much he meant to me, and that gives me peace.

Several people had intense moments of their own, and it was an honor to be present in that moment with them, and their beloved dead. Ember recited a quote from Rumi - a very comforting piece about death that was absolutely brilliant, I need to look it up and save it.

Afterwards, nearly everybody went over to Barbara's (BoJo's) house and had some fantastic chili and cupcakes, and hot mulled apple cider. I brought over a loaf of pumpkin bread to share, and Barbara had me totally cracking up, she kept going on and on about it! She is the greatest, just SO much fun and easy to be with. No pretenses, no agenda, just fun and easy-going. Her husband Rick and their daughters were so nice, too. Peter Bear and his wife, Amy, came out, and it was so good to see them again. I met several people for the first time, and everyone was really wonderful. Kate and her boyfriend stopped in after she got off work, and brought some pumpkin ale to try - it was interesting. I didn't get a chance to talk with her much, it was getting late and I was pretty shot, so I left shortly after they arrived.

I feel like I really made a connection with some folks yesterday, particularly Barbara and Shonna. Shonna gave me a call yesterday afternoon and we had a really great chat, and after talking to Barbara at length last night, I just really feel good about the friendships that are forming there. I haven't had close friends in a great many years, so it's unfamiliar territory for me in many ways, but it's a welcome development.

I'm going to get a roast in the crock pot for supper tonight. We're going to carve our pumpkins today! It's shaping up to be a really nice family day. Rhiannon's watching a new Elmo movie as I write this, so she's totally content. Dave is home all day, and I just love these quiet days. Oh, I have to really give that man a load of compliments - he was up early and worked ALL day yesterday, and then cheerily sent me on my way as soon as he got home, while he took care of supper and everything for Rhiannon. They had a great evening, too. Dave ordered Chinese food, and they ate take-out in the living room while watching Hercules, and had popsicles for dessert, and Rhia didn't even have to wear a bib (none of which would have happened had Mama been home! ;). Then they played with her tree house for a while before reading stories and going to bed. They both really like their Daddy-daughter time, which I just love.

Bye for now! Happy Halloween!

Someone just posted this to the WitchGrove list. Unbelievable. We're getting blamed from both sides here; a) kids can't celebrate Halloween because it's "the Devil's Day" and now b) kids can't celebrate Halloween because it's disrespectful to witches. Do I love the stereotype of the old hag with green skin and warts bending over a cauldron and cackling wickedly? No, I don't. But a lot of Halloween costumes are about stereotypes. A girl last year came to the door as a diva, complete with little microphone. Another kid came as a punk rocker, with rainbow hair. I doubt every punk rocker looks like that. It's a silly point to make, but really, everybody needs to lighten up. They are kids having fun and dressing up, getting a break from reality for a short period of time - let them be what they want to be. And as for not taking classroom time away from their studies - it was half an hour for a parade for Pete's sake! Kids are supposed to enjoy school - it isn't much fun to begin with, but it doesn't help to have what little joy there is to be sucked out by bureaucrats.

I am looking foward to the Samhain group ritual coming up Saturday night! I'm going to participate by calling the North Quarter, for Earth, so I'm excited. And nervous! I've only been to one other group ritual, Ostara of this year, and it was weird and awkward. It was about 30 people I didn't know, and the High Priestess doing the ritual didn't seem comfortable, so it was just... strange. But this one should be smaller, and I know everyone else doing the ritual, so I'm sure it will be a completely different experience. I hope so, because as much as I love being a solitary, I do long for shared religious experiences at times too. And the Samhain Sabbat seems a truly appropriate time, since I have more of a handle on the meaning behind Samhain than I did for Ostara. I'm also happy that I am calling Earth, since I am more in tune with that energy than any other.

We've been busy around the house again. Dave has been working on painting our entryway for the past week or so, and this weekend we finally got it all finished. So now the entry and Rhiannon's play area (which was a formal dining room in a previous life) are painted a lovely sandy color. (I even washed the blinds yesterday before hanging them back up, I think I'm turning into my mother.) Now I can stencil in there, and we're done! We only have the hallway left to paint, and the whole main area of the house is painted. My kitchen comes next, yay! I can't wait!

A friend posted this to a list I'm on, and it's so true, it's scary. Also hilarious!!

"A Toddler's Crede"
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and
thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator,
monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be
ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must
walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped
on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk,
or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am toddler!

I have been contemplating taking a magickal name for a while now. One that I've been mulling over and considering for several months is Nimue. I really identify with the water nymph aspect, as well as her being a student and learning the magickal ways, and her teacher was Merlin. Well, a girl just joined WitchGrove, and her name is Nimue. So now I feel like I can't use it. Not that I *can't*, because I know I could, but that I don't want to. I feel very selfish about it, I want a name that's unique to me. So, perhaps there is a reason I've been holding off on taking Nimue.

The other night I was doing a reading using the Faeries' Oracle, and I turned over a card and gasped out loud. The fairy was Nelys the Alchemyst. I got such a powerful feeling from her immediately. So then I opened the book *ducking as Mab heads over for a sound flogging*, and read what was written about her.
Everything I read resonated with me:
Alchemy of the Fae is described as "the study and practice of transforming the soul from the lead of primitive conditioned reactions to the gold of spiritual and practical attainment" [emphasis added]. This is exactly what I've been striving for over the last year, and continue to do so (it will be a lifelong endeavour).
Nelys "understands that daily life is a spiritual exercise". I have been working toward this as well - incorporating the sacred into my everyday life, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have any time for the spiritual at all.
And, she is carrying a rowan wand, which is a tree that has been sacred to me for years (I once named my short-lived web design company Rowan Tree Design). I also have my lovely rowan wand sitting on my altar right now.
I really identify with the following as well: "Personal inner change is the truest transformation of all - and in the long run, it is the only change that really matters."
Perhaps by taking the name of Nelys, it will help to bring about more of the personal inner change that I've been working on (and struggling with).
Hmmmmmm....

In a democracy dissent is an act of faith. Like medicine, the test of its value is not in its taste, but in its effects.
~ J.W. Fulbright

I saw this quote today, and it immediately made me think of the reservists who refused to go on the refueling mission in Iraq. Their dissent has made headlines, and will hopefully shine some light on the fact that the Army is treating these people as disposable soldiers. They may not be Special Forces, or have any experience, but they are still valuable people. You can ask their mothers if they are expendable for the war effort.
I've also been reading a lot about how the reservists and Guard soldiers are very similar to the draftees in Vietnam, in their mentality, preparedness, and training. They were given a week or two of training before being shipped off to a war zone where they're getting shot at and bombed. In the Reader's Digest this month, there's a story about a man who was a software engineer for many years, but he made the decision a year or so ago to quit his lucrative job and take a severe pay cut in order to teach 2nd graders in an inner city school. He joined the Guard in order to help support his wife and four children. One day he's reading stories in the classroom, and then he's in the desert with RPG's exploding all around him. It was a great story, he actually had a very spiritual experience as he focused on the fact that he was in the ancient holy lands of the Bible, and he was even baptized in the Euphrates River. Thankfully, he is back home with his family and his students now, but he still carries his prayer rock that has a huge indentation of his thumb from rubbing it so often while in Iraq. He said he never knew how true it was when someone said "war changes you". I wish more stories had happy endings. I hope those kids who thought that the National Guard was a good way to get help with college make it home safely, and can actually spend their days in school instead of dodging bullets and bombs.

It gets to be too long between posts, and I stay away because there's just too much to cover!
But here goes:
A week ago Sat. was the Wiccaning for Shonna's children, Elen and William. It was really a wonderful ceremony, and a lot of people from the Pagan list WitchGrove were there in person, so I got to meet so many people that I know, but had never met. Good times! After the Wiccaning, we went to the local Ren Faire. It had great live Celtic music, and a really good herbal stand where I picked up some more incense supplies. Although I didn't pick up the copal I saw there, and I'm kicking myself now.

I've been busy working around the house! Dave and I have decided to make a few changes in our lives; we want to stop being so lazy and just get some things *done* instead of saying "it'd be so great if...". Now we can just say "It's great!". LOL

I finished doing the touch-up paint in the bedroom (finally), painted all the trim and the doors, and then I stamped wine-colored leaves around the room. It looks pretty good! I'm happy with it. I still need to do the color blocking and stamping above the mirror in the bathroom section, then the bedroom will be completely finished.
Now we're painting the master bathroom. We bought a light fixture for in there, and it's a lot brighter than it was. During the day it's fine, because it has that big window, but at night if Rhiannon took a bubble bath, it was sort of dark and dingy in there. We're looking around for a towel rack and tp holder. Dave worked on the tub - he scraped off all the gunky grout and regrouted everything, so it looks so much nicer. He also finished my PANTRY!!!!! Yay! He converted our front hall closet into a pantry for me, since we never use the closet and the kitchen just does not have enough cupboard space. It turned out so nice, I'm completely thrilled with it!

A lady on a list with me is moving to LA, and she was giving away all of her candle-making supplies, so Dave and I went to pick them up a week ago Sunday. I've been experimenting. I made an orange pillar candle that smells like pumpkin spice. MMMM I also made a Samhain candle with sage, calendula, and mugwort, and added some myrrh essential oil for a bit of a scent. I love it!

The same girl was giving away her bedroom furniture, so we took the end tables. They were black lacquer with gold trim - they have 2 doors and 2 shelves inside, so lots of storage (which we need). I pulled the trim off, and painted the tables "plum raisin" to go with our room. I also bought new door handles - they're antique brass with leafy-looking ends. I took a 'before' and 'after' pic, so I'll post those too. I'm so happy with how they turned out, they look awesome in our room. The whole room is coming together so nicely, I'm pumped! Today I just got another Amy Brown print; my brother had sent me two for my birthday, but I exchanged one for this one, since I already had the one he sent. I can't wait to get it framed, I have the perfect spot for it - it will really fill in the one wall in our bedroom.

Dave is now working on painting our entryway - "cozy cottage", a light sandy color. He bought a new light for overhead, which is great since the current one is cheesey and cheap looking. It's just the one the builders put in when the house was new, so it isn't that great. I can't wait until he gets it done. He's going to carry that color around the corner into Rhiannon's play area, so then I can finally get the stencilling done in there. I'm going to stencil the quote from the Peter Pan movie that Rhia loves to say; "I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!".
Up next for me is the 2nd coat in the master bath. I'm going to use a slightly lighter color of the sage green, paint it on and then wipe it around. I think they call that rag-rolling, but I'm not sure. I've never done a faux finish before, so I figured I'd try it out in there, since it's such a small space. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

I've still been practicing and learning the Tarot; I got some good advice on how to continue to learn and expand, and I've been trying out some of the suggestions. I may give up the larger 10-card spreads for now and just do smaller readings. I've been working with the shorter ones, and they seem more meaningful to me, and I'm more confident in my interpretations.

See what I mean about hating to post when it's been two weeks? :) Ah, well, now I'm caught up and hopefully won't fall too far behind again. I had a bit of an emotional weekend, so I'll try to post about that soon, too.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
~ Kahlil Gibran

I just got this from my aunt - I think I can control myself for one day. ;)

------------
Business Week 9/20/04 Upfront Section, Gender Watch

"She Stops Shopping To Conquer" (by Emily Thornton)

"If women shut their purses and didn't shop for a day, would the economy suffer? The idea gets tested on Oct. 19 by 85 Broads, a networking group founded in 1999 by Janet Hanson, who worked for Goldman Sachs -- headquartered at 85 Broad St.

BusinessWeek has learned that 85 Broads is asking its 4,000-plus members in 450 companies, colleges, and B-schools not to spend that day. Hanson says the "buycott" will show the gap between women's purchasing power and their underrepresentation in boardrooms and executive suites. Members plan to spread the word to friends and to
women on college campuses. Women control $3.3 trillion in yearly consumer spending, 44% of national spending -- a sum that isn't just symbolic."

On TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19th, we invite you to leave your checkbook and credit cards at home as a symbolic gesture that we no longer "buy" the glacial pace of change for working women in America.

To read more, click here.


IMAGINE IF FOR ONE DAY WOMEN IN AMERICA DIDN'T SHOP???

According to Business Week, the U.S. economy has become increasingly FEMALE-DRIVEN!

Did you know that women in the U.S.:

1) Control $3.3 TRILLION in annual consumer spending?

2) Make 62% of all car purchases?

3) Take more than 50% of all business trips?

4) Control over 50% of the personal wealth in this country?

UNFORTUNATELY, WOMEN'S PURCHASING POWER STILL HASN'T TRANSLATED INTO ECONOMIC POWER!

According to Catalyst, only 6 CEO's in the Fortune 500 are women, 12.4% are board directors, and 5.2% are among the top earners in the country.

On TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19th, we invite you to leave your checkbook and credit cards at home as a symbolic gesture that we no longer "buy" the glacial pace of change for working women in America. Instead of shopping, go for a walk in the park, write a letter to a friend, enjoy a museum, or help someone in need.

Is this guy in the front not one HOT babe in a kilt? Oh, and he plays guitar too. *swoon*

He's gonna be at the Ren Faire this weekend. I may have to stop by and check him out. I mean, musically... of course.

The Vote for Change Tour opened tonight in Philadelphia, with Bruce Springsteen and REM headlining.


There is a quote in this article that was really cool:

The show closed with the collective group’s take on Patti Smith's "People Have the Power." Oberst [Bright Eyes' lead singer], who is only 24 years old, handled his verse with confidence, with Stipe at his side and Springsteen looking on. In that moment the baton of the protest singer was passed from one generation to the next. The ideals of Woody Guthrie and Bob Dylan were preserved, and if that too was a goal of this tour, then the bands can be assured that their mission was accomplished.

Sweet.

I went to B&N today for the bi-weekly Cacklefest (local pagans take over the B&N coffee area for few hours and cackle before looking for books to devour). I had a blast! Rhiannon stayed home with Daddy so I could actually hold a conversation - I took her last time and could barely follow what was being said in between rounds of entertaining her. My friend Barb came for the first time in a while, so I got to chat with her for a bit. I was able to hang out and visit with Shonna (and her husband) quite a bit, which is always a good thing! I love hanging out with her, she reminds me so much of my aunt Roz. Speaking of Roz, she's at a Women and Sprituality seminar this weekend that sounded fabulous! Of course, it's in MN, so I'll have to wait for her review. She said she's going to look for an herbal Tarot deck for me! I already have two of her decks in my closet, why not add another? (that's how I see it anyway!)

Shonna brought her little girl, Elen, and her wee baby William. He has grown so much since the last I saw him! I couldn't believe it! I just love holding him - I can't wait to have another baby to squeeze, at will.

I picked up the Tibetan Book of Living & Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche - Roz recommended it, and Shonna seconded the motion, so I had to get it. I had to order The World Guide to Gnomes, Fairies, Elves, and Other Little People: A compendium of International Fairy Folklore, by Thomas Keightley, since they didn't have it in. Next time. I found a couple books at the bargain tables; one on meditation and another on tai chi, so now I can become an expert at both. :) I had to put back The Secret Life of Plants, which looked awesome, and A Modern Witch's Herbal, which has been exactly what I've been looking for in regards to a medicinal "how-to" guide, but I just couldn't add another $30 to the bill. And trust me, I really tried to justify it!

Hmmmm, now I'm wondering if Susun Weed would have an even better herbal book... off to look!