So, here's a progress report from the last 2 weeks (I want to do this weekly, so that's another goal):

1. Health (A)
So far, so good! I just weighed in, and I lost 4.5 pounds this week, which is awesome. I'm down 18.5 pounds since we started this whole lifestyle change, which has been 7 weeks. Yay! Oh, and I'm in my regular jeans again! I'm so jazzed. I kept a pair of my old "fat jeans", size 20, and have been wearing those since I got into them after having the baby. They're going in the garbage now, sistah! (they're all ripped up and holey anyway.)

2. Family Life (B)
This is good too. We've been getting out every Sunday, although the outings have been more functional than just out in nature, or doing a purely family outing. Today I have to drop off some placenta capsules that I prepared for a lady (I think I forgot to post about this, but I will try to get to that). Then we're stopping by the local swap meet, and perhaps Costco (I'm going to get a business account there).

3. Spirituality (B-)
Doing pretty well here too. I've managed to meditate nearly every day this week, and it's really helping me keep my stress levels lower (therefore, less anger and frustration coming out). I'm proud of myself, but I still have improvements to make.

4. Anger (C)
Still need work - I realize that I rant for a while when I get angry, so after I've disciplined Beaner properly for whatever infraction, and I'm still mad and needing to vent, I've been sending her out of the room. She doesn't need to have a huge lecture, so I just tell her that I'm mad and need to yell for a while, so please go play until I'm done. I have no clue if this is a good thing to do or not, but at least it gets her out of the line of fire, and I'm not yelling *at* her, which is an improvement. Even better will be not to yell at all, which I'm working toward. My mom was a yeller, big-time, so I'm trying to break that cycle.

5. Female Friendships (D)
I've been dealt some serious setbacks in this area over the last couple of weeks (not to mention the previous issues over the last two months). A lot of drama has erupted in this organization I'm a member of, and I've been royally snubbed yet again, so I'm on the verge of just chucking it all and withdrawing, which is what I do. I don't play games, I don't do politics, and I don't kiss anybody's ass. I don't care who you think you are, I will not grovel to remain in favor. Period. So, that's my "bad attitude" coming through again. (just a note, these people are completely unrelated to my real friends, so nobody who would ever read this blog.) The main 2 snubbers are women who I thought I might be able to have a friendship with, and have really tried over the last 14 months to "fit in" - I even invited one of them to my daughter's bday party, since she has two girls who are near Beaner's age (and no, she didn't come). Oh, and they're Pagans, which I thought might give us some common ground. Apparently they're not interested in being friends with me, or even friendly toward me. So that hurts. Although it's typical of how things tend to end up - for whatever reason, most women I encounter just don't like me. To the point where they get cruel. I am completely in the dark about why this continues to happen, or what it is about me that prompts this reaction. The first time this happened was in 7th grade, when the entire group of girlfriends I'd gone through elementary school with decided that I wasn't cool, and turned on me. In high school, I had 2 girlfriends, the rest of my friends were guys. In college it was the same thing, although I became good friends with two other girls, through their boyfriends, who I was friends with first. Well, I'm damn near 30 years old, and past the point where finding new guy friends is deemed appropriate. haha So over the past 8 years, since meeting Dave, I never even tried to find a girlfriend. Since moving here 2.5 years ago, I have really given it a whole-hearted 100% effort to cultivate female friendships. In that time, guess how many women I still talk to on a regular basis? One. (To be fair, I have several others that I consider good friends, but that I don't talk to on a regular weekly basis - such as all of you ladies.) How many have stabbed me in the back, viciously, in that same time period? Six. How many have just given the cold shoulder of indifference? Oh, countless numbers. So, I want to take a break from this goal. I know it's giving up, but I just don't have time to do what it takes to find new friends. I also recognize that I don't have the time to be a really good friend to anyone else right now either. So maybe it's not giving up, maybe it's just being realistic.

Yes, it's February, halfway done even, before I post these. But I literally do not have time. Which brings me to my overall goal of 2006: Balance. Life has been so crazy lately, and everything is out of sync, and I feel like I'm just running to catch up instead of being on top of anything. Anything being the kids, the house, my husband, my health, the candles. My family life was not where I wanted it to be at the end of last year. So I've been making some changes, and I really want to blog about everything on a regular basis. Track how I'm doing, in a way. But Rayne is fussing, so I have to type fast. In a nutshell, here are some of the things I've been focusing on (and they all tie in together):

1. Health - we are eating much healthier, and I'm trying to exercise as often as possible (and hope it is at least 3x/week). So far I've lost 12 pounds, so I'm within 13lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight, which is my first goal. Dave has lost 30lbs!! He is looking really good already.

2. Family Life - our family hasn't been spending enough quality time together. So, we're trying to incorporate family time into every evening. Since we're eating healthier, it means a lot more prep time in the kitchen. So now we gravitate there more, with everyone helping cook, instead of on the couch watching TV. Then after supper, we play a game or something together, then it's already "storytime" (books before bed). Plus, I'm trying to get Beaner out to a park at least 1x/week with a new group (Natural Moms...), and I set up weekly playdates with her neighbor friend, Jasper. I've lost a couple close friends recently (due to vastly different circumstances, and no, nobody died), so Bean's supply of friends is seriously suffering, and I feel bad for her. Also, we've been trying to do a family outing on Sundays. We live in a beautiful country, and we want to share Nature with our children. Which means we might actually have to take them out in it occasionally. We both love camping and the outdoors, but we've been too fat and out of shape to do anything, really. Hence #1 - by the time the kids are old enough to want to do hikes and more intense outdoor activities, we will be prepared.

3. Spirituality - this has been seriously lacking, and I feel a real strong need to have spirituality in my life more. I'm going back to the basics to re-establish my connection to Goddess, and my Earth Mama roots. There was a Buddhist saying that I read: Everyone needs to meditate for half an hour every day, except when you're really busy - then you need an hour. So I'm trying to be mindful of that, and schedule at least half an hour for quiet time to sit and meditate. A bonus to this is that Bean usually falls asleep, and since I have to do it when Rayne is napping, I actually do get some peace and quiet.

4. Be mindful of anger - I need to be aware that I reap what I sow. If I am stressed out and find myself angry a lot (I get snappy when I'm stressed), then I will cultivate anger, and I don't want that. I've really been working on this, and it is SO TRUE. The days where I have a lot to accomplish and very little time to get it done is when I find myself angry so much more, and then it seems the kids don't stop screaming, and we have a generally awful day. Since working on this, we've had so many more peaceful days.

5. Be open and embrace friendships - I am really trying hard to do this, even though it's in my general nature to retreat. I tend to "check out" when I'm busy or stressed, because I realize that I'm not a very fun person to be around, and so I just don't try to communicate. It hasn't been easy lately either, because I've been dealt some pretty hard blows in the past couple months, but I won't give up. So to all my friends who read this blog, I really am trying. Just for example, it's taken over 3 hours to do this post, and I'm finishing w/one hand b/c baby will only sleep ON me today. But I WILL hit publish tonight, dammit!

...not to share.

Cheney hunting cartoon.

Ok, a friend posted a whole list of these on her blog, and I about peed laughing to these two:

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really give a damn in the first place.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.