The Samhain ritual last night was wonderful. I have only been to one other ritual, for Ostara, and the difference between the two was night and day. The Ostara ritual was officiated by a woman who, it seemed to me, had read some books but didn't really "get it", so it was forced and fakey, and everything a ritual is not supposed to be. Plus she wanted everybody to give $5, and she gave out cheap egg-shaped candles and egg chocolate candies. For $5, I can pass, thanks.

SO, that being my only previous group ritual experience, this one just blew it out of the water. It was exactly what I imagined a ritual ought to be, and it was awesome. We were out in the desert, beyond the last housing development on a dead-end street. Vegas is a trip, in that the houses run right up into the desert, then stop, and beyond is just wide open wild space. The paved street just... ended. LOL We walked back up to a previously-scouted area, and it was really perfect. We were at the base of a huge hill/mountain, and the city lights spread out like stars below us. We were in our own little world.

Ember officiated, and she was wonderful. She was such a calming presence that I immediately felt comfortable and at ease. It all felt very natural, not strange or awkward at all. It was a big night for me, in a couple of different ways. One is that I entered the circle under the name of Nelys. Ember asked me what name I would be known as, and it just came out. It just felt right, so I have found my name!

The other big part of the night was honoring and saying goodbye to David. I have been blessed enough not to have anybody very close to me die, and his death was just so unexpected, and so sad. We worked together for several years, and he was just the nicest guy. He was polite, respectful, kind, considerate, thoughtful, and he was a *wonderful* father. His cubicle was plastered with pictures of and from his 2-year-old son, Jonathan. When he would talk about his family, his eyes would light up. His wife stayed home with Jonathan, and she would call him a few times a day. Cubicles are not very private, and he had a strong speaking voice, and I would always hear him speak kindly to her, and say "I love you", every single time they hung up. I even teased him about it once, and he just shrugged, and said "When you're together as long as we have been, and have children, you just don't care who hears you anymore". He practiced attachment parenting, like Dave and I, and he was really a great resource for me in that respect as well. His wife gave birth to their second child a few weeks early, and David took two weeks off work to help her and take care of Jonathan. They went to the zoo a few times, to the children's museum, to the park. They had a special outing pretty much every day. He came back to work when the baby (another boy) was two weeks old, and he left early that first Monday because Jonathan was so upset when he had left that morning to go to work. Thursday morning, he fell off his chair. He was conscious for a while, until the paramedics came. He died at the hospital. They don't really know what happened. He was 31 years old.

The next day, Friday, was my last day at work. It was tough, to say the least. We left for Las Vegas the following Monday morning, and his funeral was that Tuesday, so I never really got to say goodbye to him. I've thought of him several times since (this all happened in June of 2003), and always with a profound sense of grief, for his wife and little boys mainly, but the fact that he didn't get to see his babies grow up just tears at me sometimes when I look at Rhiannon. But last night I got to say farewell, and I really got the sense that now he knows how much he meant to me, and that gives me peace.

Several people had intense moments of their own, and it was an honor to be present in that moment with them, and their beloved dead. Ember recited a quote from Rumi - a very comforting piece about death that was absolutely brilliant, I need to look it up and save it.

Afterwards, nearly everybody went over to Barbara's (BoJo's) house and had some fantastic chili and cupcakes, and hot mulled apple cider. I brought over a loaf of pumpkin bread to share, and Barbara had me totally cracking up, she kept going on and on about it! She is the greatest, just SO much fun and easy to be with. No pretenses, no agenda, just fun and easy-going. Her husband Rick and their daughters were so nice, too. Peter Bear and his wife, Amy, came out, and it was so good to see them again. I met several people for the first time, and everyone was really wonderful. Kate and her boyfriend stopped in after she got off work, and brought some pumpkin ale to try - it was interesting. I didn't get a chance to talk with her much, it was getting late and I was pretty shot, so I left shortly after they arrived.

I feel like I really made a connection with some folks yesterday, particularly Barbara and Shonna. Shonna gave me a call yesterday afternoon and we had a really great chat, and after talking to Barbara at length last night, I just really feel good about the friendships that are forming there. I haven't had close friends in a great many years, so it's unfamiliar territory for me in many ways, but it's a welcome development.

I'm going to get a roast in the crock pot for supper tonight. We're going to carve our pumpkins today! It's shaping up to be a really nice family day. Rhiannon's watching a new Elmo movie as I write this, so she's totally content. Dave is home all day, and I just love these quiet days. Oh, I have to really give that man a load of compliments - he was up early and worked ALL day yesterday, and then cheerily sent me on my way as soon as he got home, while he took care of supper and everything for Rhiannon. They had a great evening, too. Dave ordered Chinese food, and they ate take-out in the living room while watching Hercules, and had popsicles for dessert, and Rhia didn't even have to wear a bib (none of which would have happened had Mama been home! ;). Then they played with her tree house for a while before reading stories and going to bed. They both really like their Daddy-daughter time, which I just love.

Bye for now! Happy Halloween!