Yes, it's February, halfway done even, before I post these. But I literally do not have time. Which brings me to my overall goal of 2006: Balance. Life has been so crazy lately, and everything is out of sync, and I feel like I'm just running to catch up instead of being on top of anything. Anything being the kids, the house, my husband, my health, the candles. My family life was not where I wanted it to be at the end of last year. So I've been making some changes, and I really want to blog about everything on a regular basis. Track how I'm doing, in a way. But Rayne is fussing, so I have to type fast. In a nutshell, here are some of the things I've been focusing on (and they all tie in together):

1. Health - we are eating much healthier, and I'm trying to exercise as often as possible (and hope it is at least 3x/week). So far I've lost 12 pounds, so I'm within 13lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight, which is my first goal. Dave has lost 30lbs!! He is looking really good already.

2. Family Life - our family hasn't been spending enough quality time together. So, we're trying to incorporate family time into every evening. Since we're eating healthier, it means a lot more prep time in the kitchen. So now we gravitate there more, with everyone helping cook, instead of on the couch watching TV. Then after supper, we play a game or something together, then it's already "storytime" (books before bed). Plus, I'm trying to get Beaner out to a park at least 1x/week with a new group (Natural Moms...), and I set up weekly playdates with her neighbor friend, Jasper. I've lost a couple close friends recently (due to vastly different circumstances, and no, nobody died), so Bean's supply of friends is seriously suffering, and I feel bad for her. Also, we've been trying to do a family outing on Sundays. We live in a beautiful country, and we want to share Nature with our children. Which means we might actually have to take them out in it occasionally. We both love camping and the outdoors, but we've been too fat and out of shape to do anything, really. Hence #1 - by the time the kids are old enough to want to do hikes and more intense outdoor activities, we will be prepared.

3. Spirituality - this has been seriously lacking, and I feel a real strong need to have spirituality in my life more. I'm going back to the basics to re-establish my connection to Goddess, and my Earth Mama roots. There was a Buddhist saying that I read: Everyone needs to meditate for half an hour every day, except when you're really busy - then you need an hour. So I'm trying to be mindful of that, and schedule at least half an hour for quiet time to sit and meditate. A bonus to this is that Bean usually falls asleep, and since I have to do it when Rayne is napping, I actually do get some peace and quiet.

4. Be mindful of anger - I need to be aware that I reap what I sow. If I am stressed out and find myself angry a lot (I get snappy when I'm stressed), then I will cultivate anger, and I don't want that. I've really been working on this, and it is SO TRUE. The days where I have a lot to accomplish and very little time to get it done is when I find myself angry so much more, and then it seems the kids don't stop screaming, and we have a generally awful day. Since working on this, we've had so many more peaceful days.

5. Be open and embrace friendships - I am really trying hard to do this, even though it's in my general nature to retreat. I tend to "check out" when I'm busy or stressed, because I realize that I'm not a very fun person to be around, and so I just don't try to communicate. It hasn't been easy lately either, because I've been dealt some pretty hard blows in the past couple months, but I won't give up. So to all my friends who read this blog, I really am trying. Just for example, it's taken over 3 hours to do this post, and I'm finishing w/one hand b/c baby will only sleep ON me today. But I WILL hit publish tonight, dammit!