... summarized well in a quote.

Buddha - "Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it."

I'm going to take a break from blogging for a while. I haven't blogged in so long anyway, that I'm just making it official. I have to prioritize every minute of my day, and blogging just doesn't make the cut at this point. It has become more of an obligation than a fun outlet anyway, so it's time to cut it loose and free myself of the guilt of this empty blog space. I want Glow Diva to be successful, and it's time to get serious and focus on that, and fit in quality time with my family, so I'm really streamlining everything.

So, farewell for now, and hopefully I will be back someday, when Glow Diva is a riotous success story and I have oodles of free time. ;)

Love!!!

I haven't been on to blog, I know. No time while the Aunts were here last week (too busy out having an awesome time!), and then we all got sick. D. was in a real bad way with his ear, and both girls got colds. I've been fighting one, so I've been trying to nap with them so it doesn't totally kick my ass. But I have a sore throat now, and still feel wiped out. So I've been going to bed early, too.

I know I was up .5 lb last week from all the dining out - then, with not feeling well, I just didn't have a lot of energy to put into meals the last few days. So, I'd probably be giving myself all F's on my progress report anyway. And who wants to do that?

Hopefully back soon with positive vibes again. Lots of good stuff happening too, but I'm a big baby when I don't feel well. I need to pout. :P

Overall, it's been a very positive week! I bought an old-fashioned apple peeler/corer/slicer yesterday, so last night we prepared a bunch of apples to put into the food dehydrater. Beaner loved using the hand crank (and eating the apple slices). I've been making our own snacks for a few weeks, and the apples are her favorite, so I felt good about getting something that would make that easier. Plus it will come in handy when we go on road trips and camping.

And, Miss Aeryn Rayne had her very first solids this week! She had organic brown rice cereal (LOL), and totally dug it. She's also slept for ~6 straight hours a few times this week, which is an awesome development! Yay, sleep!

I had an eye exam this week, so we're going to Costco today to see about ordering new glasses. Hopefully I will be seeing clearly again soon. We don't have enough money right now to get contacts, which is a bit disappointing, but at least I won't have to deal with these ancient lenses that are all scratched up and nearly impossible to see through.

Time to stop screwing around on the computer and start my day. :)

Here's my weekly progress report! Didn't get a chance to blog the rest of the week, I see... I probably won't this week either, since I have company coming in on Tuesday. I'm so excited to see my Aunts (and yes, Practical Magic definitely comes to mind - I picked up some apple martini mix for something different... Midnight Martinis instead heehee).

1. Health - (A)
Down 3 pounds over last week, within 1 lb of my first goal! I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight now, which is exciting (-51 lbs from September!). Bean was 9 months old before I lost her baby weight (I was 25 lbs heavier than now when I got pg with her), and Rayne's not quite 6 months old right now, so I feel good about that. Can't wait to get below this weight, b/c I'm at the lowest I've been in nearly a decade.

2. Family Life (A-)

We went up to Mt. Charleston last Sunday, and Bean got to play in the snow for the first time ever! This is our little snowman - he had a very brief life; Bean stepped on him right away. lol I didn't get out to a park or playdate this week, mostly due to weather, and trying to get the house in order for guests. But we still had good family time every day.


3. Sprituality (C)
Not so good this week - I managed to meditate a few times, but haven't made any further progress. Will keep working at it though. I have made attempts to notice Goddess in Nature around me every day, and that makes me feel more connected to Her.

4. Anger (C+)
Making improvements here! I had one yelling session this week, during one of my "trigger times" - those times where I'm under pressure to get something done and can't walk away, and the baby's screaming, and then Bean starts complaining - I lost it. But I have a plan of action for next time, and will say the same things I said but in a nicer tone of voice. Plus, there were a couple occasions this week where I got annoyed (at strangers, like while driving and at the store), but I didn't get angry and found the positive in the encounters, so I'm proud of myself for that.

5. Female Friendships (C+)
I'm pretty proud of myself this week, actually. I went to a meeting on Friday with the same group that had all the drama before. I let the ladies know that I didn't appreciate how I'd been treated, and of course it was all "I had no idea you felt that way, we never meant that to happen, lalalalala". So, bygones. I know I'm never going to be good friends with these women, and that's OK, I can still get some positives from the group as a whole. The meeting itself was a big boost, since there were lots of other people there that were happy to see me, and very kind and welcoming, so I felt really good after leaving. Two of the mamas that I prepared placentas for were there with their babies, so I got to see the beautiful babes. One of the mamas had been really struggling to come to terms with a negative birth experience, so I was worried about her. She was there, and thanked me and said that she really felt the placenta capsules were helping her mood, so that made me feel wonderful. Plus, I got to see my one friend Melissa (my doula) that I've lost for a while (long, long, story involving her husband thinking I'm a big loser and not wanting his wife around me). She is apparently working things out with him, so I might not be banned from her anymore. She's awesome, and I miss her terribly, so it would be great if we were able to regenerate our friendship. It's been several months now (since xmas), so hopefully we'll get to hang out again soon.

I miss blogging, so I'm going to try to do it more frequently. I've learned that there is no "later", so when I get a minute, I'm going to try to post random thoughts. It will probably be more chaotic and a weird format, but at least it's something.

So, we're planning a family vacation. We have to get back to MN this year for a visit, I think I've mentioned that our entire extended family lives there, and nobody has seen Rayne yet (except her grandparents, who came out here). I want to make it a camping road trip, since we would have to pay for 3 plane tickets this year. So I'm starting to plan it all out - I want to hit as many national parks as possible. Plus, this will force us to start taking short weekend camping trips so we're experts by the time we leave. I'm really excited about this, so I hope it works out. We have to crunch numbers, and make sure D. can get enough time off work, but that's what I want to do.

And, two of my very favorite people in the world are coming for a visit in just over a week! My aunt Roz (the Pagan), and my "aunt" Connie (she was with my afore-mentioned uncle for 13 years before he decided to join the monastery and become a Buddhist monk, instead of just a lay minister). I still consider her my aunt, though. They will be here nearly a week, so I'm very excited. I really have a need for this - quality female companionship. Plus they're both brilliant gardeners (Roz's garden in WI was actually on an official Garden Tour for a magazine), so I'm hoping they will help me get my fairy herb garden going with Beaner. I also have a lovely herb pot, that D. gave me last year, that I want to get planted. I've been putting it off, thinking I'm going to plan it all out and make sure the herbs are all properly coordinated, but at this point, planting *something* will be an improvement.

All for now...

1. Health - (A)
Down another 2.5 pounds today, for a total of 21 pounds lost in the last 8 weeks. And it makes it a total of 48 pounds lost of the 51 I gained while pregnant, so I'm really happy about that, considering Rayne is only 5 months old. And, today is the first day I've gone below 200 pounds in over a year! Yay! Size 16 and dropping...

2. Family Life (A-)
I took the kids to the park a couple times this week, and Bean had her playdate with our neighbor friend this week too. Today we're planning to head up to Mt. Charleston so she can play in the snow. I better get busy making a lunch instead of typing on here... I'll be quick.

3. Sprituality (B)
I'm keeping up with the meditations, but that's about it. I'm glad I'm doing *something*, but I'd like to do more. I'm reading Marian Green's A Witch Alone (again), and want to do more of the exercises. At least I'm starting (stay positive!)...

4. Anger (C)
I noticed this week that my actual anger level is down, but I still had a couple yelling bouts. As I was throwing my tantrum, I realized that I didn't have that blood-boiling angry feeling, but yet I continued to yell and pitch a fit. What's that about? If I can control myself, why do I choose not to? Is yelling that ingrained? Am I just an asshole? Something to be conscious of, but it's an interesting development. Will work on stopping before I start this week.

5. Female Friendships (C)
Thanks for the feedback I've received. I was going to ask if my track record is that unusual, and it sounds like it is pretty common to get dissed as often as I have. And, if I don't keep putting myself out there, I won't find those gems among the masses of bitches (pardon my language). So I shall continue to kiss frogs...

Since I was asked about my meditation technique, I thought I'd talk about that a bit more. I call it meditation, but it's probably not anything my uncle, the Buddhist monk, would recognize. I take advantage of Rayne's afternoon nap to have "rest time" with Rhiannon - we put on a relaxation or chant CD, light the incense, get comfy on the couch (although lately she's been wanting to read a book to herself on her bed, and then she falls asleep), and relax. The first few times she fell asleep lying across my lap, so it's very peaceful. I sit up and get comfortable enough to relax totally, I do some breathing exercises, and ground and center. I almost always get 20 minutes, which really helps me. I'm surprised by that, since I always figured it had to be this huge, long process for it to work. Sometimes I get relaxed and into it enough to go deep, but most of the time I'm just working on quieting my thoughts. I've had some pretty intense moments too, which encourages me to keep working at it.

Have more to say, but will post this before it gets lost. I'm needed elsewhere.

So, here's a progress report from the last 2 weeks (I want to do this weekly, so that's another goal):

1. Health (A)
So far, so good! I just weighed in, and I lost 4.5 pounds this week, which is awesome. I'm down 18.5 pounds since we started this whole lifestyle change, which has been 7 weeks. Yay! Oh, and I'm in my regular jeans again! I'm so jazzed. I kept a pair of my old "fat jeans", size 20, and have been wearing those since I got into them after having the baby. They're going in the garbage now, sistah! (they're all ripped up and holey anyway.)

2. Family Life (B)
This is good too. We've been getting out every Sunday, although the outings have been more functional than just out in nature, or doing a purely family outing. Today I have to drop off some placenta capsules that I prepared for a lady (I think I forgot to post about this, but I will try to get to that). Then we're stopping by the local swap meet, and perhaps Costco (I'm going to get a business account there).

3. Spirituality (B-)
Doing pretty well here too. I've managed to meditate nearly every day this week, and it's really helping me keep my stress levels lower (therefore, less anger and frustration coming out). I'm proud of myself, but I still have improvements to make.

4. Anger (C)
Still need work - I realize that I rant for a while when I get angry, so after I've disciplined Beaner properly for whatever infraction, and I'm still mad and needing to vent, I've been sending her out of the room. She doesn't need to have a huge lecture, so I just tell her that I'm mad and need to yell for a while, so please go play until I'm done. I have no clue if this is a good thing to do or not, but at least it gets her out of the line of fire, and I'm not yelling *at* her, which is an improvement. Even better will be not to yell at all, which I'm working toward. My mom was a yeller, big-time, so I'm trying to break that cycle.

5. Female Friendships (D)
I've been dealt some serious setbacks in this area over the last couple of weeks (not to mention the previous issues over the last two months). A lot of drama has erupted in this organization I'm a member of, and I've been royally snubbed yet again, so I'm on the verge of just chucking it all and withdrawing, which is what I do. I don't play games, I don't do politics, and I don't kiss anybody's ass. I don't care who you think you are, I will not grovel to remain in favor. Period. So, that's my "bad attitude" coming through again. (just a note, these people are completely unrelated to my real friends, so nobody who would ever read this blog.) The main 2 snubbers are women who I thought I might be able to have a friendship with, and have really tried over the last 14 months to "fit in" - I even invited one of them to my daughter's bday party, since she has two girls who are near Beaner's age (and no, she didn't come). Oh, and they're Pagans, which I thought might give us some common ground. Apparently they're not interested in being friends with me, or even friendly toward me. So that hurts. Although it's typical of how things tend to end up - for whatever reason, most women I encounter just don't like me. To the point where they get cruel. I am completely in the dark about why this continues to happen, or what it is about me that prompts this reaction. The first time this happened was in 7th grade, when the entire group of girlfriends I'd gone through elementary school with decided that I wasn't cool, and turned on me. In high school, I had 2 girlfriends, the rest of my friends were guys. In college it was the same thing, although I became good friends with two other girls, through their boyfriends, who I was friends with first. Well, I'm damn near 30 years old, and past the point where finding new guy friends is deemed appropriate. haha So over the past 8 years, since meeting Dave, I never even tried to find a girlfriend. Since moving here 2.5 years ago, I have really given it a whole-hearted 100% effort to cultivate female friendships. In that time, guess how many women I still talk to on a regular basis? One. (To be fair, I have several others that I consider good friends, but that I don't talk to on a regular weekly basis - such as all of you ladies.) How many have stabbed me in the back, viciously, in that same time period? Six. How many have just given the cold shoulder of indifference? Oh, countless numbers. So, I want to take a break from this goal. I know it's giving up, but I just don't have time to do what it takes to find new friends. I also recognize that I don't have the time to be a really good friend to anyone else right now either. So maybe it's not giving up, maybe it's just being realistic.